I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
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I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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