So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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