the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize