You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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