anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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