Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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