I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize