The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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