I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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