The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Umm I'm too high to move.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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