I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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