..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize