I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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