Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize