If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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