So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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