Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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