where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize