i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize