You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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