After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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