omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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