Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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