whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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