But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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