Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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