No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
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Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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