Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize