Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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