My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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