I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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