oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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