the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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