good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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