I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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