so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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