Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The power of my boobs compel you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize