Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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