yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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