Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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