the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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