Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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