my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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