I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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