Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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