I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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