I can tuck mytits in my pants
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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