He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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