onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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