I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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